Outer Monologue

Sometimes on the subway, somebody's inner monologue goes outer. This is just an excerpt from Monday's dramatic adventure.

It began with a dramatised reading of the signs in the train.

Are you cool enough to be a child-protective specialist. Question Mark. Are you clear enough to be a child protective specialist. Question Mark? Question mark.

It moved on to theories about religion and drugs.

...Don't eat anything dead, man. That's the way to Heaven. You can eat anything good that God puts out there. Like corn, and, and, and ice cream... and rice, beans...But don't be eatin' nothin' dead man. It's rotting. You'll rot too. And drugs. Drugs. Don't be usin' it if God didn't put it on the Earth. If it comes from the leaf or grows on the vine, OK. But that crack cocaine, and that heroin...you don't see them comin' up from no leaf now, do you? Just stay away.

And sex.

I don't use no condoms when I make love. I just wash myself with soap and water. I'm pure man, nothin' but soap on me...Nothin' but soap....

I think he may have missed a few crucial lessons in sex ed...

Then it was storytime.


Let me tell you a story. There was a man, he was tall, as tall, as tall...um...as tall as this train is. And he had a sword. As big as, as big, big as one of these hangin' poles, but a sword, like, like with sharp edges down both sides. An' he was comin' down the street at my mama and me. An' I say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus", and then he just goes away. And my mama say "Why didn't you use none ah that ka-rah-tay on him" and I say "shii-it, I didn't see you usin' no ka-rah-tay." *hee, hee*...

Dude, I love the subway.