The Personal is Public in NYC

Everyone in NYC seems to believe that conversations on cell phones cannot be overheard no matter many people are around...

Hence this breakup was made dramatically public when she yelled into her phone at 149th and St Nicholas,

You don't FEED ME, F***K ME, or F'FILL ME!! We are DONE!!

We were all impressed with her succinct-ness.

Outer Monologue

Sometimes on the subway, somebody's inner monologue goes outer. This is just an excerpt from Monday's dramatic adventure.

It began with a dramatised reading of the signs in the train.

Are you cool enough to be a child-protective specialist. Question Mark. Are you clear enough to be a child protective specialist. Question Mark? Question mark.

It moved on to theories about religion and drugs.

...Don't eat anything dead, man. That's the way to Heaven. You can eat anything good that God puts out there. Like corn, and, and, and ice cream... and rice, beans...But don't be eatin' nothin' dead man. It's rotting. You'll rot too. And drugs. Drugs. Don't be usin' it if God didn't put it on the Earth. If it comes from the leaf or grows on the vine, OK. But that crack cocaine, and that heroin...you don't see them comin' up from no leaf now, do you? Just stay away.

And sex.

I don't use no condoms when I make love. I just wash myself with soap and water. I'm pure man, nothin' but soap on me...Nothin' but soap....

I think he may have missed a few crucial lessons in sex ed...

Then it was storytime.


Let me tell you a story. There was a man, he was tall, as tall, as tall...um...as tall as this train is. And he had a sword. As big as, as big, big as one of these hangin' poles, but a sword, like, like with sharp edges down both sides. An' he was comin' down the street at my mama and me. An' I say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus", and then he just goes away. And my mama say "Why didn't you use none ah that ka-rah-tay on him" and I say "shii-it, I didn't see you usin' no ka-rah-tay." *hee, hee*...

Dude, I love the subway.

Writing Assignment

Write about something you see every day.

I suppose I could have written about a Big Issue, like homelessness, or gentrification, or otherwise not taken the project so literally. But it's an imaginary class, so I don't need to impress anyone, and besides, I do see the subway everyday, and it never fails to tickle me.*

The thing I see every day - NY Subway

Every time a train roars by, I can’t help thinking that it seems like some behemoth, alien caterpillar roaring through tunnels of its own devising - diving deep to unknown caverns, belly full of unsuspecting human food.

*Never fails to tickle me except at AM rush hour, especially at AM rush hour on Mondays when everyone (including me) is probably in a bad mood.

Asparagus Season

It is a well known fact that eating asparagus makes stinky pee. Early spring is the height of asparagus season. These two facts converge to make asparagus cheap and plentiful in the grocery, and to make public bathrooms even more unpleasant than usual.

And without further ado, here's my favourite way to get stinky pee.

Blanched Asparagus with Mustard Vinagrette Dipping Sauce

1 big bunch asparagus
Mustard
Vinegar of your choice - and this is just a small sampling - use whatever you find delicious.
sweet - rice vinegar, plum wine vinegar
medium - cider vinegar, white wine vinegar
sour - white vinegar, sukang maasim (white vinegar infused with hot peppers, garlic, and onion)
Oil of your choice
flavourful - dark sesame or virgin olive
light flavour - grapeseed
Powdered ginger

To blanch the asparagus
Using a pot large enough to drop stalks in whole, bring 3/4 pot of water to a rolling boil on high heat
While the water heats, trim woody bits from the bottoms of the stalks
When the water boils, drop in your asaparagus
Wait for the water to return to a boil
Cook about 30 seconds (I usually do less - 10s or so - I like my aspargus almost raw)
Drain and rinse in cold water to arrest cooking

For the sauce
In a non-metal container mix
Roughly 1Tbs mustard with
Enough vinegar of your choice to make runny
Add a dollop of oil of your choice
Add a pinch of powdered ginger
Stir thouroughly and taste.
Adjust ingredients as needed....

Or just buy a bottle of your favourite salad dressing.

Don't worry if you wind up with too much sauce. The leftover stores fine in the fridge, and can be used as a marinade or salad dressing later.

Dunk asparagus and enjoy. Double dip if you want - I won't tell. Hold your breath the next time you pee.

Only in NY

The little girl can't be more than 3 years old. Muffled in a pink jacket with matching pink skirt and boots, she happily trots up and down the nearly empty train, spinning on each pole and singing nonsense to herself. As her stop draws near, Mom and Dad strap her into her stroller.

She is NOT pleased.

And, in that scream-yell voice that only children of a certain age seem able to produce, proceeds to holler...

"NO FAIR.!!!!!!!I WANT JUSTICE!!!!! I WANT JUSTICE!!!!! JUUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIIICE!!!

At least it was an articulate meltdown.